Day 4

Same drill. Slept late. Woke up late. It’s been an hour since I woke up but I’m still feeling groggy and tired. Smoked 2 cigarettes already. But I have decided not to keep cigarettes with me and go to the shop every time I feel like smoking. Hope that reduces my smoking habit. Also, I should give it up completely. I have bought a big pack of nicotine lozenges to help me quit. I’m going to start using them today. The next 3 days are holidays – so nothing from work will become an excuse for smoking. I just have to stick to the plan for 3 days for now. I think I pay dearly for smoking. Health, time and money – in terms of all 3. Stay strong – it’s only 3 days.

Why do I fail every time I try to quit smoking? Let me try to list the reasons I have failed in the past.

One time I was attempting to quit but started smoking again when …

  1. I had to go out to buy something and as a habit whenever I go out, I smoke on the way back.
  2. One of my friends / colleagues asked me if I’d like to join for a cigarette break
  3. I felt low – sad / angry / hungry / bored. And decided it’s not time to give up
  4. I fought with someone and used them as an excuse to go back to smoking
  5. I went on a holiday and thought I’ll make an exception and have fun smoking during the holiday
  6. I ate. Something drives me so hard to go smoke right after eating.

I’m thinking to make a nice lavish meal today. I’m thinking drumstick sambar, brinjal roast and curd rice. I’ve to get some recipe for the brinjal – I’ll do that right after writing this. I need to go to the shop and buy some garlic, curry leaves and maybe some chips and coke.

Oops! Just went to another tab to look for the brinjal recipe. One of my biggest weaknesses is getting distracted like this. But sometimes I feel that is also my strength – to think about several things at once. I’m not sure now whether it’s a positive or a negative.

Ok after cooking I should make the desk I was planning to make. It’s delayed by way too long now. I don’t even have a design yet. I’ve kept a nice slab of plywood for it though. And I have the supplies to make it. Hope I will be able to finish it today and start painting. It will be an important accomplishment if I do.

I should also clear out all the cardboard boxes and plastic covers from all the unwrapping. It’s just lying there for over a month now. Lots to do in the flat. Everything has halted because of this stupid lockdown. After making the desk I should make a little spice shelf too. No hope of getting a kitchen chimney or cabinet hinges. I think it will be at least a month before those shops all open. This lockdown sucks. And the timing for me can’t be worse.

Okay so today’s plan – cook, make the desk, don’t smoke. Simple.

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